Whalen might be wailin'

Whalen from Wichita writes:

I think my wife is having an affair but I can’t be sure. I really want to trust her, but there are little signs that make me think there is someone else in her life. She doesn’t work but is out of the house a lot, and then there are the phone calls that she grabs before the second ring. Lately in the evening she gets all dressed up with quite a bit of makeup and tells me she is going out with her “girlfriends. I can’t afford a private dick, and besides I don’t want to accuse her if I am wrong. Are there signs I should watch for?

Sheepshag:

Dude, brace yourself, you might already be paying for a private dick. Some of the signs you describe fit into the top ten signs she’s cheating’. Check it out.
10.She starts to exercise, eat sensibly and lose weight.
9. She walks around the house humming until you enter the room then goes silent
8. She stiffens up when you give her a hug
7. She runs to the phone to answer it before you do
6. She closes and locks the bathroom door when getting dressed
5. She suddenly develops an interest that will take her out of the house, especially at night
4. She changes her wardrobe, wears tighter clothes and shows off some cleavage
3. She appears pre-occupied with hidden matters in her mind
2. She will wait for you to go to sleep before coming to bed
And the number one sign:
1. When you go to give her a kiss on the lips, she turns to take it on the cheek.
So check this out dude and if there are more than five that apply, chances are you’ll be wailin’ Whalen.
Of course, you could just ask her in a non-threatening way, suggesting that all you want is the truth so that you can better understand what is happening in her life, but there’s not much groove in that dude, and certainly no drama.
Good luck.

Ask the Sheepshag Sharman a question, but remember, “If you can’t handle the answer, don’t ask the question.”