Jack shafted in Toronto

Jack from Toronto, Canada writes:

I am going out of my mind here and need some advice. It’s about my two roommates, they are driving me crazy. I live with Don and Cheryl in a small, but nice three bedroom apartment. When we decided to rent together we agreed that because the place is so small Don and I wouldn’t bring home girls and Cheryl wouldn’t bring home guys. All the expenses were to be shared. So what happens? Don brings home a friend called Chuck who doesn’t work but sure eats. He has hooked up with Cheryl and moved into her room with her. He has been here almost a month now and hasn’t made, nor offered any contribution to help with the rent or pay for the food he eats. Don says it’s not his issue because the agreement was that he wouldn’t bring home girls, and Cheryl says that, the fact that Chuck is screwing her notwithstanding, Chuck is Don’s friend. Obviously neither Don nor Cheryl mind having Chuck around, but I can’t stand the freeloader and want him out. Finding another place won’t be easy and besides it’s the principle of the thing. What should I do?

Sheepshag:

Wow, very un-cool dude. It sounds like Chuck has found both food and booty so he’s not likely to leave voluntarily, especially if you are the only one out of the four of you who has a problem with him being there. Having roommates can be ace, man, but it can also suck big time.
Hey check this out. http://www.roommatesanonymous.com/ This chick has written a whole book on stuff just like you describe.
It sounds like Cheryl isn’t the only one getting the shaft. If you can’t get your two roommates to live up to the original plan, you may have no other choice than to pack your bags and hit the road, Jack, unless of course you want to play dirty... my style.
If you do, find two really hot chicks and invite them to come over to stay for a few days. They are the bait, dude. If Chuck is as big a dick as you say, it won’t take long for him to feel a tug on his rod. Cheryl will get really pissed and kick him out. Problem solved.
Why two hot chicks, you ask? Because it sounds like Don and Chuck share similar DNA. Cheryl has already tied them together so who knows you might get rid of them both and be left with two really hot chicks.
Good luck, man.

Ask the Sheepshag Shaman a question, but remember, “If you can’t handle the answer, don’t ask the question.”